well its currently the hardest time of the day for me, three oclock lol. i've just gotten home from school and i almost always binge. its the time of day when i usually break any diet i've been trying. but instead of binging as soon as i arrived home, i got myself a diet coke and got on my blog :) hopefully this can me a new habit. all i've eaten today is an apple for breakfast and a half apple for luch. totalling up to about 150 cals :) i'm doing pretty good, but i'm not sure i can do this. i hope i can. i just wanna be perfect. please answer my q's in the previous post!

so to be honest, i havent been posting because i've been eating normally. i flew to a nearby state for my cousins high school graduation and ate like a pig. ew its been disgusting. but my school is out in 2 weeks, and i wanna see how much weight i can lose in that amount of time. i'm actually pretty excited about it. my diet is mostly going to be made up of all natural, unprocessed foods. (except diet coke! its my weakness) i'm going to shoot for 600-700 calories max per day. i know i can do it, becuase back when i was anorexic i never ate lol. soooo i've also got some questions for those reading, if anyone is lol....

how did you get so many people to follow your blog?
how do you get so much blog support? (i only have 1 follower)
how many cals are you consuming per day right now?
how much weight are you losing?
how often do you binge?
what are some workouts that have worked for you?

feel free to only answer the q's you want too, but please answer, i could really use your help!
stay beautiful everyone!

help!

doing pretty good, only 730 calories yesterday and 740 today. if i continue at this rate, can anyone tell me how much wieght i'll lose and how fast? any suggestions on adjusting the calorie count?
pretty good day. i dunno what i'd do without music, it seems to help everything...

getting started!

i'm ready to get back on track with this. i've had 630 calories today, which i think is pretty good for my first day of really getting back into this. i have so much motivation now that i've seen the spring break pictures. my bff is gaining weight like its her job, so my hope is to be skinnier than her by summer :) she's always been smaller than me, and i'd love to beat her! any suggestions on a calorie plan to get started on? nothing too hard, my main focus is control right now !

?

well spring break was alot of fun.
i got to stay with my friend, and we had alot of fun, not much to say about it. i stayed pretty active (volleyball everyday) and didnt eat much. i was having a great time, but on thursday night i wanted to party. i was out with three of my friends (whom i'd been hanging out with the whole time) went into town and called up a couple seniors who were staying in their own condo that had loads of alcohol. we couldnt stay long, so i drank as much as i possibly could. then my parents came to get me and i was sooo wasted, of course they found out. my best friend didnt get into any trouble because she didnt drink, and my other friends that did have parents who dont care. anyways i'm in alot of trouble. how can i make my parents forgive me?

ps. i havent been eating much... i'm mad at myself...

ugh. my mom annoys the fucking hell out of me.
she can wreck any day, no matter how great, all in a matter of minutes. the woman is truly gifted. anyways, instead of spending spring break with my lovingly detatched parents, and little brother, i'll be with my bff. she doesnt really party much but whatever. we'll still have fun. cant wait to get out there and party it up. leaving tommorrow at 5 so i should probably go. cant wait to ditch this town.

*tearsnsorrow,
thank you for being my first follower! i've followed your blog for quite a while now and i really admire you! if you ever wanna talk just let me know! thanks again! <3 you beautifulll

fail...

ate like a fatass today.
i just keep telling myself i'm going to fail anyways cause of spring break next week. maybe i should just watch what i eat as best i can then have fun for that week? then i'll have an excuse to be extra hard on myself ;) yeah, that sounds good. i'll just do a detox for the next two days for a flat tummy, have some fun, then get right back into it :)
stay strong everyone!

been gone awhile but i'm ready to start up again!
i got asked to prom today by a senior :D yay. so i wanna be looking extra thin in my dress. i have lots of motivation! i think for now i'm gonna stick to 600 cals a day and get more intense in two weeks when spring break is over. i want a sexy belly for the beach ;) got some hot clothes and ready for sun, surf, and BOYS ! :)

today:
fruit- 110
turkey slice-15
yogurt-80
205 total

awesome day.

suprise, suprise!
the sexy kid i talked about ealier, brett, is nothing but a dick. his friend told me he was talking to five other girls. sweeeet. so i went on a bike ride and decided to weigh in. 162. holy fuck. i cant remember ever being over 151! something has got to change. maybe its muscle, i thought. i went and got dressed for the movie (which i went to with my bitchy friend) and didnt fit into my jeans. something has got to change. if i had followers i'd ask for their advice, but i guess i'm on my own with this one lol. i'm thinking six hundred calories a day, with lots of excersice, and i'm gonna aim for 7 pounds in two weeks. then its gonna get harder, hopefully. damn, i just cant believe i've let myself go this much. i'm about to start having softball practice everyday after school for two hours, so at least that'll be a steady workout i have to do. then i plan on doing some more at home.

spring break is in like 4 weeks. shit. i wish i would've started this earlier. now all i can do is look at the perfect victorias secret models and not eat. wish me luck!

i would also like to say that i was deeply saddened my ana's girls' last post. i've always read her blog and i support her 100%. i'm very glad she's happy, but i don't know how i'll get through the day without reading her posts:(

i really want to commit to this.
i'm going to try.

this week has been crazy.
i had a dance on saturday, and i was just looking at the
pictures, and i realized that my legs are skinnier than my perfect best friends (diane*)! oh happy day haha:) we never fight, but she's been a real bitch lately. my mom loves her so she sides with her and tells me that i need to be nice. but i can't stand all the constant put downs. she's two faced too. one of my other friends, allie, whom i we party with sometimes, is kinda crazy and wanted to spring break with us. diane acts like she wants to party with her, but being the funsucker she is, she doesnt even like drinking. then when allie couldnt come, she was like, omg that suckks we were gonna have so much fun! (to her face). but then to everyone else she's so happy she's not coming. bitch. stop being rude. lol sorry i went on a little rant there. but anyway, at the dance one of my friends brought this guy thats 2 years older than me (and extremely sexy) and he was all over me! now he's texting me all the time and wants to hang out, its perfect. in fact, i think we're going to a movie tonight;)

anyway, my eating habits right now are just suppper healthy. i don't binge. i just eat healthy stuff all the time. i've cut out sweets, fast food, and pop. i havent had any of those in three weeks and i feel great! i can just feel my thighs getting thinner everyday. and the best part is the envious eyes of all your friends when you have the strength to say no to the sugar shit that they cant resist ;) ah i love it. pleaseeeeeeeeee dont think that i'm not pro ana just because i dont eat the same as you. i still support you guys and i'm not gonna yell at you and tell you youre being stupid! i love reading the blogs:) you guys have such a drive! please "follow me" so i can read all your blogs!

?

yeah, so i did get bored i guess.
couldnt even keep this thing up for a day.
lack of motivation i guess.
all i need is for someone to listen.

anybody listening? doesnt matter. i'll still be here

yes, i know i've already posted once today.
i just really wanted to get started. you know when you get all excited about doing something, and after a few weeks youre tired of it? well i really hope thats not what this blog is. blog. hate that word. this is kinda like a diary. but then again, i hate that word too. so i'll stick with blog. anyway, i feel like i should tell you somethings about me. i'm a freshman in high school in a small town you've never heard of. i'm a cheerleader and i'm best friends with the two prettiest and most popular girls at school. awesome. must mean my life is perfect right? haha, i only wish. (please dont stop reading, this isnt a blog where i just bitch about my life the whole time) i just had to make it clear that my friends have perfect lives, so i'm constantly stuck comparing mine to theirs. they're both in middle class families, and mine is "loaded" as they would say. my parents dont notice much, just whoever called their blackberrys last. so i dont really fit in because of all that. sure i've got way more clothes and a bigger house, but who gives a fuck? i've struggled with anorexia, its a big part of my life. recently it has shown signs of returning, and honestly, i'm too tired to try to stop it. i'm so passive right now, i might just let ana take me over, make me new. why not? thats how i got the idea for this. why not document it? i'm also incredibly into music. i play guitar and piano and i'm always downloading something new. i can be profound at times, and other times just plain stupid. i guess thats all i have about me for now, i guess you'll collect more as time passes. parents left for the islands, so i've got a week at home. hmmm. this can either be really good, or really bad. just know, that if you read this, even if you dont comment, it means alot to me. really.
<3love, Ryder

Welcome.

hey.
i dont know if anyone will read this, and i dont think they'll care. i just know that i need some way to share and a chance for someone to listen. i'm not the typical teen, though i do have my ups and downs. i promise this blog wont be about some dumb boy or how bad i'm doing in english, but it willbe my life, as its happening. we're all currently writing the lyrics to our own song, and thats what this is about. if you care enough to read this, then thanks alot. and if you comment, it would definately keep me sane. just thought some things needed to be said. and now, life, as its written, begins. hope that didnt sound like comeplete bullshit.
<3 Ryder